THE OUTHOUSE- A PLACE OF ANXIETY

Life growing up in Southern Ohio was never easy. One of the chores that made life difficult was coming to grips with a building called the “outhouse” or “privy”. Few houses had indoor plumbing then. “Indoor plumbing” was the term used to announce to the world that you had a bathroom with toilet. You were then civilized and didn’t have to contend with the outhouse. For some of us there was the outhouse and we visited it often. They were usually small one room structures about four feet by four feet, sometimes four feet by eight feet if you were fortunate enough to have a “two holer” a term used to describe an outhouse that could accommodate two people at the same time.

I’ve never seen a fancy outhouse. Most are constructed of barn siding, or mill wood, some with old metal signs thrown in from time to time. As technology would permit, they were well made and very sturdy. Many would survive the occasional tipping over during Halloween prank season. Some were even moved to other locations such at roof tops, porches or other unique locations the young Appalachian prankster’s mind could conceive.

Outhouses were frightening places even though they offered the necessary relief. There was always the complementary catalog, usually by Sears and Roebuck. But the worst part was the darkness! Even in broad daylight an outhouse is a scary place to be. The only light came from the cracks between the boards which allowed dust filled rays of light to pierce the darkness. Some of the light came from vents between the roof and the walls, and of course, from the little moon shaped cutout near the top of the door. That is, if you happened to have the luxury model. Actually, most of the outhouses never had the decoration in the door. There you were, closing the door and suddenly shrouded in darkness temporarily blinded. For a small boy of six, this just screamed danger!

I never moved until I could see. You never knew what could be in there with you! The trauma of waiting till you could see the monster just waiting to eat you up was sometimes more than I could bear. On some occasions it would take me more than one attempt to enter and stay inside for the required adjustment time. Finally, the room become lighter and I could see the monster was not there today. But, I had to check for other demons. Usually high up between the space between the roof and the walls were the wasps. You could tell by the gray paper cone, sometimes the wasps would crawl around their house just waiting to swoop down and sting you during your stay. You could never tell what might be lurking down those holes, you know, where you had to sit. I had heard stories! Stories of spiders, bees and of course, monsters. It takes a lot of courage to expose your genitals to insects, rodents, spiders, and bees. Oh, the bees! You could hear the bees swarming way down there where it all went. You waited and waited, and when nothing was crawling on you then you relaxed and sometimes you prayed. I think more praying took place in outhouses than in churches.

Good hygiene at the time was defined as using a few extra pages to clean yourself. No one realizes how much I appreciate the softness of Charmin. Let’s not forget the aroma. Few things smell as sweet as new mown hay and few things smell worse than an outhouse on a hot summer day. The heat and humidity seem to enhance certain aromas with the outhouse contents being very high on the list. What an experience! After all these years, I have never conquered my fear of outhouses.

Its been said that “many an anxiety lives in your closet”. One of mine lives in an outhouse.

THE GROUNDHOG-
AN APPALACHIAN MASCOT


For many years the Appalachian people have relied on the groundhog as a source of sustinance similar to the Native Americans and their buffalo. Of course, the groundhog was smaller and required a good shot with a rifle in order to call it a meal. To this day, the groundhog is revered as the varmit of choice by highpower riflemen the world over. Groundhog was eaten as often as squirrel, rabbit and turtle when I was growing up in the foothills of Southern Ohio. It was a crafty prey with the ability to think on just about the same level as the average Appalachian, so outsmarting the groundhog was always a challenge.

Groundhogs always leave a rear entrance to their tunnels, usually less than a hundred yards away. Scaring a groundhog into the burrow would not result in seeing it come out of the same hole. You needed to find the other hole, the exit. Sometimes an Appalachian hunter would start a fire and try to smoke out the groundhog. This technique usually resulted in a grass fire that destroyed a whole forest while the groundhog had already exited the burrow and headed to a meeting in Puxatawney County. I’ve even seen Applachian hunters haul gallons of water in an effort to drown the groundhog out. The advantage of this water techinque is that it usually puts out the grass fires started by the other groundhog hunter.

to be continued...